Steve is bringing SexyBack… to Walter?

steve-12_profile-circleSteve here. I was supposed to Skype with Basil last night, but he messaged me to say he’s not my boyfriend and never was – and then told me to leave him alone.

Why would he say that? The week that Basil visited was pure bliss. We’re perfect for one another. Basil was the fish in my treat, the milk in my bowl… my dream come true.

Or so I thought.

Now I just feel used. Basil knew I was wounded after everything that happened between Willow and me and he took advantage. And to think I almost threw out all of my t-shirts and started wearing bow ties for him! I would have looked as ridiculous as Willow did in those FelExodus ads!!


My EX-boyfriend, Willow, in an ad for FelExodus.

I was talking to Carol and she suggested I find a project. Something outside of myself (and apart from my killer abs) to focus on. So I decided to help my brother, Walter.

Walter needs LOTS of help. He loves to read, enjoys learning, appreciates classical music, and actually likes going to therapy. The dude is never gonna get a girlfriend. But I think I can help him get some game.

Steve’s Tips on How to Be Sexy

  1. No cowering. Walter has to stop crouching in a corner every time someone calls his name to go outside, or take a walk, or come eat dinner.


    Not sexy.

  2. Be suave. It’s all about attitude. At least that’s what I told Walter. But I think the only attitude he had was terrified.


    I tried to get Walter to replicate my sexy bathtub shot and this was the best he could do.

  3. Be aware of your body. Walter must learn to think about how he’s holding himself. When you lay down you’re not just resting. You’re posing. You’re ALWAYS posing.


    Walter was channeling Olive from Little Miss Sunshine. Not quite what I had in mind for him.

  4. No more collars and leashes. They’re humiliating. Walter says he only wears them to go on walks, but I pointed out that on walks is exactly when he’s going to be seen. What will the girls think? It’s no good. So I had LOUD Mom put a collar and leash on me to show Walter how ridiculous he looks.


    It’s impossible to look cool — or have any self-respect — when you wear these.

Of course there’s way more to being sexy. But I had to start somewhere. Walter needs practice. TONS of practice. Looks like I have my paws full!

41 thoughts on “Steve is bringing SexyBack… to Walter?

  1. Now Steve, what about just accepting Walter for who he is. You seem to be a part of a really lovely family that has embraced the ideal that diversity is a great thing, and that it is important in our society to simply allow everyone to express themselves in their own way. Have you spoken with Walter and really listened to him? Is changing him really good for him, or just something you want?
    BTW Steve, I’m a sociology major so ya know, I get all hung up on social roles, and expectations and such.

    Liked by 3 people

    • You sound an awful lot like my moms, Deb. They’re both social scientists (archaeology and psychology). Today I overheard them discussing biological determinism vs. relativism. Put me right to sleep. They’re always talking about cultural expectations, social roles, and stuff like that. Bo-ring. I just think Walter would be happier if he was like me — lived a little more and thought a little less.

      Liked by 2 people

      • Steve, you’re not fooling anyone. I bet you are a very deep thinker…you just don’t want to let anyone in on your secrets. Also, please tell your moms that I’m rather excited to know of their career focus.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Steve, first let me say that I’m sorry about Basil. Remind yourself, you’re a great looking cat with lots of charisma. His loss, plus long distance relationships are challenging. Glad Carol got you to look at focusing on a new project. (She’s a great sister)
    Walter seems to need a lot of coaching to bring up his confidence. He’s lucky to have your expertise. It would appear you have your paws full indeed. I look forward to seeing your next update.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you for your understanding. I know in the end that it’s Basil’s loss. At least that’s what Carol told me to tell myself. She is a pretty good sister, I suppose.

      And Walter’s going to take A LOT of work. I didn’t quite realize what I was getting myself into. Thanks for visiting!


  3. “the only attitude he had was terrified” : a relationship credo for the ages. This post had me laughing out loud. Thanks! You may now have to do an edgier post on the leash and collar thing. Ahem.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hahaha!! You should see some of Walter’s poses that I didn’t include! He kept confusing sexy with pornographic. Carol would have killed me if I put them on her blog. She’s always reminding me to keep it “family friendly.”


  4. Steve, I think it’s great that you are taking on a project working on something outside of yourself. That said, have you considered the possibility that there might be more than one kind of “sexy”? For example, some humans think Mr. Channing Tatum is sexy, while others prefer Mr. Benedict Cumberbatch. All I am trying to say is that Walter might find it impossible to emulate your particular brand of attractiveness. He may just be more of a Cumberbatch.
    Also, please do not try to convince him to ditch his collar and leash. It’s very important that he wear them out on his walks, especially if he is easily startled.

    Liked by 1 person

    • No worries about Walter being loose. I told him he should stop going on walks altogether. He needs to be a leader, not a follower! In fact, I keep telling Walter it’s embarrassing that LOUD Mom calls herself pack leader. HE should be the pack leader, not his mom!

      But maybe you’re onto something with the different types of sexy. Though I think mine is the sexiest. I may have no choice but to explore other options. I’m starting to think Walter can never be sexy like I’m sexy.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Dear Steve
    I wonder if Walter is going for the ‘rescue me, look ?? some girls like the challenge of ‘saving’ a lost cause, looking at the photos he has a long way to reach your high standards,
    I looked on the internet to see if collar and leashes could be sexy MAN ALIVE there are whole sites dedicated to the subject…..when Mrs P saw what I was looking at she choked on her cream tea and has grounded me for month,
    Your a VERY enlightened Oscar 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • I had no idea collars and leashes were considered sexy. So Walter was doing something right after all? I’m sorry you got grounded, but this is very helpful information!


      • I’m glad I could be of help, I’m sure the time will soon pass, until then I’ll have to spend my time reading blogs and deciding what colour my new collar ought to be Love Oscar 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

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