Hi, my name is Carol. I’m a cat. That may seem obvious, but a lot of humans miss it [I’m not sure why], so I wanted to get it out there. I try not to take offense.
Some say it was foolish for me to start a blog. They call me a gossip. Tell me I’m a cat, that no one will read my blog or care. But I feel compelled to share my observations with you.
I live with an “interesting” bunch, starting with my two moms, a gay brother, two “old ladies” (one with delusions of a singing talent), and three furry beasts that think they’re better than cats. One of my humans is away at college. I wish she’d come back and open her bedroom door. I like it in there.
This is my brother, Steve. He’s gay. Second to the old ladies, he’s the laziest. He says it’s because he needs to rest his strong limbs and back, that it’s hard to maintain his “look” if he can’t get enough rest. A look? Ugh. He gets on my nerves, but I still love him. He recently joined a neighborhood gang called the Springhill Ballers. I warned him against it, but did he listen to me?
She’s going to be so mad that I’m including her on this, but I if didn’t, she’d get mad about that, too. Because that’s who she is, dear readers. Mad. Always mad. And always doing what she calls “singing,” which is really just raining hell upon the masses. My LOUD Mom “sings” with her at times – rehearsals, she calls it. When my person who is away at college comes home, she “sings” with Ethel, too. It’s so sickening to listen to, but I can’t stay away – like an auditory train wreck. My Little Mom just rolls her eyes. She doesn’t like it either, but she’s been dealing with these “songs” for over 15 years. And oh yeah. Ethel HATES Steve. Hates him. Hates us all, I think.
This is the oldest of the old ladies. I don’t know much about her except that she sleeps all the time and has been with Little Mom for almost two decades. Violet’s crazy old. She gets lots of meds: Shots, pills, drops…. I’m not sure what they’re all for, so I steer clear. Violet seems really nice and just wants to be with our humans – she doesn’t care much for the rest of us.
This is the tiny furry beast often called Snoogie or Noggie by the humans [and Eggnog-y Nogg by her fans]. Eggnog’s seven years old, and everyone thinks she’s cute. I don’t get that AT ALL. Our moms put her in jackets and t-shirts and sweaters and all this crap no self-respecting cat would EVER wear.
Bag. Of. Nerves. Needs therapy. Lots of therapy. And meds. They need to up his dose. Our moms put this thing on him called the “ThunderShirt,” but I’m not sure what good it does him – or us. He still chases after me for no reason, and the other furry beast, Sherman, then joins in. It’s a regular fox hunt and I’M the fox! Ugh. Furry beasts… useless.
|Sherman (aka The General)
This is the newest one. He’s bigger. And furrier. He has these funny teeth on the bottom that humans think are cute. They wouldn’t find them cute if they were the fox (i.e., me) he was chasing. The General, as he prefers to be called, stomps around like he’s in charge, barking orders. This often results in a posture war between him and Walter and then all hell breaks loose. I steer clear. Why do humans like these beasts? I don’t get it.
LOUD Mom’s enemies
This is Steve’s would-be lover. Willow hangs around outside, but lives across the street. LOUD Mom HATES him. Says he’s killing the birds and shitting in the yard. He just wants to be near Steve. She doesn’t get their love. But… he does kill some of the birds. If I was out there, I’d be doing it, too, so I’m not going to judge….
She lives with Willow across the street. Not sure why her people named her that. She comes around here a lot, hangs out in front and sometimes next door. LOUD Mom hates her, too, because she also kills birds. Baby Girl is very smart and always asks lots of questions. I think that’s because she’s a Certified Life Coach. She seems very interested in what’s happening in our house and always has helpful ideas. I like talking to her. Besides, I’m the only one who really knows everything going on around here. If I was Baby Girl, I would be interested in what I had to say, too. I wish my moms would let me out. I could help Baby Girl get even more information. But then I’d likely kill birds, and my moms wouldn’t like that.
I don’t know much about her, and I’ve never witnessed her kill a bird, but LOUD Mom hates her for it anyway. Bubbles actually thwarts Willow’s and Baby Girl’s bird stalking by playing with their tails and keeping them from being able to hide. She lives with them and they hate her for that. At least that’s what Baby Girl tells me. I think Bubbles might be a look-out for Willow’s meet-ups with Steve, but I’m not sure. I should ask Baby Girl.
Note: This blog is written for entertainment purposes only. All opinions and ideas expressed on this blog are those of the wacky authors.