False advertising?

The other day I woke to find a message in my inbox from a human named Ms. Rice that works for a company called Eli Lilly. She said Eli Lilly makes a medication called Prozac and they want to expand their market by advertising the drug for use with cats and dogs.

I contacted Ms. Rice and told her that my brother, Walter, has taken Prozac for almost a year now with excellent results [i.e., he chases me a little less] and that I would be more than happy to provide a testimonial for them.

She informed me that they already have a dog lined up and are in need of a cat. Evidently they tried to secure Grumpy Cat [who is already working with Pfizer to promote Zoloft],

grumpycat_zoloft

then Henri, the Existential Cat [who eschews antidepressants as Continue reading

Walter vs. The Life Coach: The deconstruction of Steve

No word from Mr. Maury. I really hope he’ll have Willow on his show so we can get down to the bottom of who is the father [or are the fathers?] of Marmalade’s kittens!

In the meantime, Baby Girl’s been spending a lot of time at our window brushing up on her Life Coaching skills. Between Steve obsessing about getting Willow back, Violet’s food obsessions, and Ethel’s quashed singing aspirations, she has her paws full.

Baby Girl brought Ethel a copy of a book called “The Secret” and told Ethel that, if she does everything the book says, her singing career will come to her. Ethel’s had her nose in the book all weekend. At least it’s keeping her quiet!! I wonder if I read that book if I can “will” the General to stay off of my favorite sleeping spots? Maybe I’ll ask to borrow the book when Ethel’s done with it.

ethel-secret

Ethel ponders the awe-inspiring potential of The Secret.

Continue reading

Walter’s Lost His Marbles (and I think I can find them)

My brother Walter just got back from “analysis.” I want to know what he does there! Around the house, Walter’s always a nervous wreck. It totally gets on my nerves. Gets on EVERYONE’s nerves…except maybe Ethel, who is too busy hating Steve to be bothered by Walter.

I think Walter’s nerves scare even Walter himself. When it’s time to go outside or even for a walk, he cowers like someone’s going to give him a swift kick. Steve calls him pathetic. (As if he has room to talk.) What furry beast doesn’t like Continue reading