Saving Colonel Sanders

Ever since Ethel received my letter – I mean Lou Kout’s letter – she’s been on Cloud 9. I almost feel bad. Almost! She’s not been back in our person that’s away at college [but home for the summer]’s bedroom since the letter came, which means I’ve had the room all to myself.


Well, when I’m not sharing it with Walter.


Shortly after receiving the letter, Ethel snuck into the hall closet and pulled out a bunch of Swiffer pads. She said she needed to “practice” and didn’t have time to wait for the Procter & Gamble people to send the Feline Swiffer prototype. So she fashioned her own. Now she insists her version is so good that the humans at Procter & Gamble should use it instead! What an ego!



Action shot!

Ethel paced the house wearing her new wrap, complaining about how dirty it was getting as it dragged on the floor. I tried to explain that the whole point of the Feline Swiffer was that her dragging gut would clean the floor so our moms don’t have to mop, but she told me I was being foolish. Why would a company sell a beautiful garment with the intention of it getting filthy?


Already aggravated, Ethel decided to Skype with her boyfriend, Arnold, to tell him about the excitement and see if maybe he had suggestions for how to keep the wrap clean. [Maybe don’t insist our moms feed you ten times a day?!]


I sat just outside the room listening as Ethel went on and on about her impending fame and fortune. I watched as she shoved the “Procter & Gamble” letter into Arnold’s view so he could read for himself. And I nearly gasped when I heard Arnold express doubt as to the letter’s validity!


[Almost] gasp!

Arnold told Ethel that something just didn’t add up. Why would anyone want to denigrate Ethel’s beautiful form by using it to clean? And, even if they did want to do that, why couldn’t she go on the second floor? Wouldn’t they want to test the device at different altitudes?

Arnold encouraged Ethel to be skeptical and do some digging. He said he has mischievous siblings and knows what nonsense they’re capable of committing.

And Ethel think's Steve's lazy.

Remember these guys? Arnold’s worthless and obnoxious brothers.

I ran for the living room to warn the others as I heard Ethel say goodbye to Arnold [with lots of disgusting kissy noises]. Next thing we knew, we heard a loud screech. The General ran, and I followed, toward the excruciating noise!


Ethel had taken Colonel Sanders hostage!

She demanded to know WHO sent that letter and said the chicken was gonna get it if someone didn’t fess up. Colonel Sanders, his voice muffled under Ethel’s tummy, implored The General not to say a word. He said he’d lived a good and long life and if it was his time, so be it. He didn’t want The General to cave to Ethel’s threats.ethel-hostage-generalThe General reminded Ethel that Colonel Sanders was an innocent bystander in all of this and asked her to release him. She adamantly refused unless he provided her with the author of that letter. I stepped forward to speak up, but The General pawed at me to move back.

Just then, Little Mom walked past the room and Ethel perked up. I recognized that glimmer in her eye! In a flash, Ethel was out of the chair and running, her gut swaying to and fro, toward The One That Feeds Her. And just like that Colonel Sanders was free and we were off the hook!


Phew! That was a close call.

24 thoughts on “Saving Colonel Sanders

    • Ethel thought the same thing – that’s why it worked! Of course nothing was stopping her from putting it on upstairs, but I wasn’t going to be the one to suggest that! That darn Arnold!!!


  1. Carol this may be your best post yet! Ethel wearing the Swiffer Tutu – and the action shot. Too funny. And her skyping with Arnold, hysterical. But then I got worried. What if she figured out it was you who penned the letter? What fresh hell would result? Then poor brave Colonel Sanders is taken hostage! OMG. So glad that everyone was safe when Ethel realized that it was dinner time and let her hostage free, abandoning her demands about the letter. For now anyway. Stay safe, I await your next post.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Carol, have you managed a plan yet to keep Ethel from digging further, or holding any more hostages? Perhaps figuring out how to disable Skype might be a good place to start as that Arnold seems to be pretty sly. What a trouble maker…

    Liked by 3 people

    • Disabling Skype – that’s a great idea, Deb! Because I don’t trust that Arnold. I agree, he’s nothing but trouble! I may have to confer with The General to devise a contingency plan as well. The General loves contingency plans!


  3. I would put it to Ethel that Arnold himself may be behind the letter … this might just plant a seed of doubt in her mind, after all as they say all is fair in love and war
    PS hope this subterfuge works, you don’t think I’m becoming a cunning underhand pup do you LOL
    Regards Big Oscar

    Liked by 3 people

  4. Carol–this was a roller coaster of a post and I loved it! And how you did shine by sharing the person who’s away at college but home for the summer’s bedroom with Walter. Such a great thing. I see good things happening here: Ethel maybe just thinking Arnold is a genius and dropping the entire P&G thing. You might want to lay low and try to drift the conversation away if it heads towards that letter. Maybe Ethel won’t even notice…

    Liked by 1 person

    • I’m glad you enjoyed it! I think laying low is a very good idea. Lucky for me, Ethel’s been so irritated with Steve today that she hasn’t even mentioned the letter or the Feline Swiffer! Looks like I owe Steve one 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

    • You know Colonel Sanders?! I heard he’s had quite an adventurous life – but wasn’t sure how much to believe. Looks like the stories are true!!!


  5. Pingback: The Great Debate | creekviewcarol

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