The final Coke.

Steve here. You’re lucky I’m able to blog after the near miss we had the other day! And Carol’s lucky I think quick on my paws!

Hearing what was going down with our moms seeing Ethel’s terrifying, bare-all pictures for Arnold on the computer, and knowing Carol was frozen in fear on LOUD Mom’s lap unable to react, I used my street smarts to think fast and create a diversion.

How, you ask? I made a running leap, pounced on Ethel, and rolled her around a few times to get her good and mad! Fur flew everywhere and Ethel wailed as though I was killing her, causing all three of our humans to come running. 

That gave Carol more than enough time to hide the files, erase the search history, and shut down the computer. By the time our moms made it back to the computer, Carol was curled up on the keyboard pretending to be fast asleep.

You’re welcome for the diversion, Carol.

But enough about that. Let’s talk about Steve. I was chilling on the kitchen island the other day while my moms were at work when I saw this:

Share a Coke with Steve? Why’d no one tell me Coke has a competition where the winner gets to share a Coke with me?

I’ll bet Carol was hiding this from me. She gets so jealous when anyone else benefits from “her” blog. Of course the world wants more Steve. Don’t blame me. It’s not my fault I’m irresistible.

I can only imagine that Coke has some type of Bachelor-style competition in mind. A slew of handsome young Toms vying for my attention.

Being in the Springhill Ballers has put an unexpected crimp in my dating life. I thought I’d meet lots of Toms, but the fellas in the gang aren’t my type. I’m a sucker for a bow tie and good manners. So this whole Bachelor thing couldn’t come at a better time.

I was telling my brother, Walter, about the competition and how Carol had hidden it from me. Walter said that before I start dating again I need to get to know myself. What’s that supposed to mean? I know me. I’m Steve.

Besides, Walter said the whole thing makes him nervous. What doesn’t?

When I told The General he said that if I’m so worried about having good abs, I should avoid the empty calories of soft drinks. He told me that he strictly rations chewies for his soldiers in order to keep them fit for battle. Has The General looked in a mirror lately?

But Eggnog was the worst. She said reality television is for losers who have no talent. Eggnog droned on about how much work it takes to get a paw in the door in the music industry. How she worked hard to make connections with artists like Eminem, Snoop Dogg, and Missy Elliott.

“Eggnog-y Nogg” said these reality stars come in and act like idiots in front of a camera and suddenly they’re getting book deals and recording contracts – and that makes her mad.

Kim Zolciak of the Atlanta Housewives. Image Credit: Bravo TV.

Hey, it’s not my fault that Eggnog took the difficult route. This is my chance at love and I’m not letting it go!